Check out those two pictures in my gallery if ya dare.   Those are windows from the Guildwood Inn, an old abandoned and forgotten piece of Toronto's history, a graveyard and true testament to the city and how it's falling apart.  All these grand and beautiful archetectual piece, parts of Toronto's past, old cornerstones and grand entrances, decaying slowly via the elements and the outright apathy to the history of Toronto.  This place is a museum.  So when myself and my girlfriend, Natalie, went out so she could take pictures of this sad place in Scarborough.  She began photographing the outside of the building, zoming in and out for different sections, all for her interior design course.  A hypothetical design upgrade to the locale, something that was and is long overdue.  Also apparently, the place is haunted, maybe that's the reason.  Workers have reported strange happenings within the old hotel.  And if you look at those pictures, not influencing anything but this place is abandoned, fenced up and not very safe, strange what you can see in a simple photograph.  These pictures were by no mean modified, what's the point, like I have enough time to waste faking this garbage, for what so some weirdo can get off on it, the sasquatch myth busters.  With there A&E special, and their dumb ass researching and walking about for a three hour special which absolutely goes no where, nothing is discovered, nothing is revealed.  Maybe it's just a hairy guy, lord knows those supposed videos of sasquatch walking around all blurry certainly looks like a guy, hell maybe it's just a guy, I worked one summer for the city with a guy who donned the beater with a sweater of fur under it.  Anyways, these ghostly apparitions guide me only to one conclusion, I'm one of these weirdos, with my pictures.  And why not?  I've had a sexually experience with two spirits.  It happened one night, I was asleep, then all of the sudden there I was, with two lesbians, wanting sex from me.  HOOOOOTTTT, like fajtia meat, but why me?  Now you might think that I am crazy, for thinking this, but why would two lesbians have sex with a guy, if you went to sex ed. then you'd understand what I'm saying.  I'm not their type at all, I'm a man, a man's man.  Well not the weird man's man either, like a man that will go into a forest chop down some would build a cabin and kill a bear.  Yeah, like that, craziness.  Alright, so there I am with these two lesbians and me are doing the nast.  And then when I woke up again, I had made a mess.  True story, but yeah it's a lie.....This is just the justifying story to my new career aspiration.  P.I.F., Paranormal Investigation Force,  that's right I'm a force all I gotta do is order some nice velvet, black capes, some black clothes, one of them pointy goatees, ear brow gel (gotta have your eyebrows fluffed and pointy), and black hair dye.  I gotta have the uniform, this has to be a professional operation, and a walking stick for me (a dark wood of course).  The plan is in full motion, I have some sort of powers, I'll have the walking stick, of course anyone who has a walking stick and a cape has to be an authority.  So yeah, so me and my sister, Tam will pray on these rubes, so they can finally get piece, or peace, nothing worse than having sex with some ghost or relative ghost there watching.  How do you spell embarrassing when your ghost mom or grandmother are watching you getting humped or doing the humping.  That's what I'm doing this for, for the children who, in the future responsibility adulthood with consenting adult(s), want completely private sexual experiences, regardless, unless it's those gross weirdos, you know who you are.   Irony!  Ahhh, I'm a freaky guy.  Well Happy Hallowe'en.

Here's a strange quandry.  Why are Keg commercials so geared to the sexy experience of eating steak?  Here's the deal, first off you start the commerical by having some sultry, thick voiced black jazz/blues singer start lulling you with some love song, the whole time you're seeing some guy preparing a steak.  Now I like steak, but why does it have to be almost a porno with steak?  Don't they realize that the whole steak thing can be someone's actual kink?  Believe me, if there's the idea, chances are there's someone crazy enough to love it.  Trust it.  And then, the happy server, ohhh yeah, everybody's happy, and smilin' with the big toothie grin, everbody's cool as this sizzling slab of beef is slowly carted around by the happy, probably lubotimized server.  You don't know someone's kink could be to spit and jizz on your Keg steak, and then the woman is getting fork feed this steak, and yeah it's like she's reaching climax, she's just so into it.  Now I like steak, but I don't have simulated sex with the whole experience that is eating a steak, and what happens with the potato?  Is that a sexual experience too, gettin' all that sour creme in on the action, hold on does that mean you've got an orgy of food going on in your mouth, maybe you'll be felating carrot of something, just to get crazy.  Wow, what a sexy commercial, don't you agree.......HA if you did then you're a freak.  But you never know what the hidden freakies that spur on people, shhhhh....I like the smoke.   Not sexual or anything like that, I ain't no freak.....but you never know.   Ask Carlo he was there when I started talking about the zipper masks at work, and the weird thing about it was all the girls I was telling it to just giggled.....weird.....or I'm just a gorgeous male in my prime, and I catch vibe all the time,  nahhh....more to come....later

You know what I hate?  Now before you read this blurb, if you know me then you know how I think.  3/4 time like a song, that's what happens when you smoke and become a paranoid hypocondriac.  Well here's the back story for years, and I mean years I was sending out emails at work, some from my dad, some from other people at work.  Well let me tell ya, when people wanna fuck with ya they will, and not to mention any names, but certain losers out there.  Losers that are trying to make work and life a bore, just because they are a bore.  Goddamn legion pole smoker.  I know who ratted out me and my father, I know the truth.  My father, man who has worked at EMS for almost 35 years, a man who has been a manager for almost 15 years, had to take shit from his boss because his emails that the both of us sent out to people for shits and giggles MIGHT have offended someone.  In the same vain that I might have ran someone over in the parking lot, or I might take a shit on my desk at work on Monday.  I may have offended someone by sending out a forward with a redneck woman in a bath suit top using her God given fat tits to hold a drink in a plastic cup holder.  That may have offended one of the redneck, fat, bitches that hold a drink in their breasts.  I MAY offend someone that's what I was told.  Honestly, if you're someone, man or woman, let's be honest we've all seen men with tits too, holdin' an alcoholic beverage in your breasts, then I'm sorry you're a redneck.  And that's cool, I know rednecks, they know what it means to be loyal.  Here's the jizz of the whole issue.  I realize it's supposed to be jist, but I said jizz because this shit sprays on you and it stains. I get talked to by this loser who ratted out me and my father for trying to get people to laugh at work, a place that's already made shitty by weak and useless management, now they want to crack down on people trying to make the working experience somewhat more fun, instead of doing something more constructive, like hmmmm, well how about fixing how poorly Toronto EMS, a city office, is run and managed.  That's what happens when city gets a bunch of rednecks to run anything.  Think about, what happens when a redneck gets a home?  That's right, the truck goes on the blocks, the old fridge migrates to the front yard, and all of the sudden the stink of booze and welfare drench the house.  Well that's what's happening to Toronto EMS, these losers who will be the next generation of leadership will ruin something that already doesn't work well. 

 

Ya so I'm called in, no names, but damn I'm told that no complaints were made, and no one was offended but someone could've of been the whole time I was thinking to myself.  If I were to slap this rat in the mouth what would happen, am I in trouble for just thinking it?  The potential slap, then defication on this loser from Barrie who's trying to be the boss.  And what the fuck is up with the winking, what's wrong with you?  You got the shakes of something?  Get some leeches, they might help, just like most of the medics they like to suck on things. Stop winking at me, you weirdo.  I know I'm a hot man and all but I like the ladies, I know I'm the platypuss for being straight in the City of Toronto's version of the Navy, the only time a man is tested to be gay is if he's gay or someone thinks he is; and why not instead of "cracking down" on the new evil that's stupid emails, crack down on the useless employees that you hire, that go on workers comp, and that seemingly go to work like normal people go on vacation twice a year for about two months.  Such a loser, trying to exude control over me and get my father, a man who has been in this game for soooo much longer then you, you shaved monkey.  What is this elementary school?  You don't got the balls to tell me or my father that we may have insulted or offended someone?  Wait by potentially insulting or offending someone, does that mean I actually did?  No it doesn't, this loser ran to my father's boss, like a child with a skinned knee, or one that just got candy from a strange guy who wanted you to find this candy in his pants.  Is that what happened, you met up with you bum chum and played with him and figured out how you can be an asshole?  I'd hate to be in EMS in a few years when this ass becomes a real manager.  People will be screamed at before they do anything just for the power trip.  I hate losers like that, at home does your wife hold your balls in a purse, just like your boss probably holds em in a different way?  A way that reminds you of how it was back on the road, and when you went to party on Church street?  You know what they say, gay men love medics, that's why there's soooo many working at EMS, isn't that right winky?  Now I know that this would offend soooo many people, but I don't say this shit at work, I just send out emails with guys who have a number three shaved into their backs for the late Dale Earnhardt, you see I know things about you redneck folks, you brothers of the soil.  I know you, one of my best friends is a redneck himself, and I rarely ever say stuff that would be mean.  The world needs rednecks, so all us normal humans can say "at least I'm not a hick".  So in the end, all I can say at least I'm not that hick that rats out people to their boss, and at least I'm not that hick that reams out people for trying to make the workplace less shitty.  By the way the reason why the work place is shitty is because of the hicks like you.  So go to the legion and be proud of bustin' someone on something sooo meaningless as emails.

So what's up George Michaels craw, asides some dude's somethin' or other?  I sometimes hear his songs at work, damn 104.5.  It seems all he's singing about is how he's gay and how "they'll never hold him down."  Now I have a few questions, who are "they" that are holdin' him down?  It must be a bunch of women, because the last time he was held publicly was in that washroom in L.A.  Another question I got, he's singing about how he's so free after coming out of the closet like 10 years ago.  But if you saw any old school Wham videos it's pretty obvious.  Asides that fact, who cares George that you're gay, yes if it were 30-40 years back circa David Bowie and Freddie Mercury, when they came out that was a big deal, but not now in this age of male capris and the metrosexual. 

 

What do you want George?  We know you're gay, and personally I don't care, just stop playing with yourself in public washrooms and we'll be cool.  And another thing the whole entrapment thing getting arrested in the washroom, what made you think it was a good idea to start doing that in a public washroom, what are you retarded? George, you make using a public washroom impossible for people that wanna just take a piss.  Any guy must be nervous because you never know where George Michael is lurking in the shadows, willing to give some guy a 'helpin' hand.  Although, if you think about it may have been completely innocent, that guy may have been helping you with your fly, then it got stuck and someone may have walked in and he tried helping you, and then a few more guys and then the cops, not like in Village People, real ones came, and then the misunderstanding.  And stop making songs about how you're a freak, everyone knows that George Michael stands at attention for cops and any other guy in a washroom.

 

How can someone teach originality?  I was searching courses at George Brown, and I found novel writing, so I checked it out, and part of the program is to teach originality.  Isn't that just teaching and re-inforcing old theory on how to be a writer?  Standard texts, lesson plans, these don't make a writer, it only teaches people what others have done to be good.  Granted these are probably Canadian writers which means it's probably looking at Margaret Atwood, yeah she hates men enough for this day and age, she'd be perfect.  To teach the next generation of the true femi-nazee agenda of castrating and subjigating all men because we're the true evil.  That's right, whenever a man touches a woman, that should be rape.  Filthy men, what happened to Tina Turner?  A man.  What happened to Whitney Houston?  A man, Bobby Brown, the worlds biggest hood rat, giving poor Whitney all that crack and pot, and not even sharing the pot with the other rapist men.  All men, except for myself should be sent to another planet.  I may stay because I sympathesize with you, or do you forget that I was sexually molested in words by Lawrence Knox, the gay rapist of EMS.  Poor Carlo, still traumatized by the whole white meat McNuggets comment at McDonalds.  I get to stay, so I can watch the lesbianism that would be great.  No worries, I'll just stay over here in the corner with some Kleenex.  Well that's what I think might happen.